::music:: I touched a girl and I liked it...

SKIP THIS INTRO IF YOU WORK WITH ME

Sorry about the Monday delay, the Boss has 2 daughters: the nice one and the absence-of-nice one; I work with the latter.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she has the capacity to be civil, but she is not to me and that is all that matters. Don't worry, I'm not gonna flame her on the interwebz like some 12 yr old 4channer, but since she does cause me to miss entries here and it is still illegal to darken the sky with someone's ashes, I will have to just tolerate her like a tumor named Marla (if I had a tumor).

OK YOU CAN READ NOW

If your anything like other people me, you have imagined what it's like racked up a lot of sex over the years, so thank yous excuses are par for the course. And, since women and men are masters at communication when it comes to each other sexual wants and needs, I seem almost out of place putting up this IMO list of  lies reasons the other is laughing not in the mood.

The big one is fatigue.
No not from you being awesome, but from you being NOT awesome. oh, she is tired...of you. Here: if you had a dog that demanded that you pet it before you could go to sleep every night, you would begin to hate the dog. So, if the dog then started to hop on top, put its penis inside of you and maw you like a blind Pooh bear with a honey jar, (Oh bother) then you would kill that dog. So, people, unless it is the end of the world, heed this two words: DOWN BOY!


Next, it seems is the her retort of being on her period.
This is why paying attention in biology class AND in the bathroom pays off. Now, if it is her period, unless you guys are...really really comfortable with each other, then the pool is closed; but, if not, then this is more of an emotional sign. Instead of you sucking, she thinks she does. This is one owie that CAN be healed by applying chocolate to (Read: chocolatey skinned knee)


Another one is that she is not comfortable with or is not ready for that.
This is a sign of class, or she buying time until she decides your the kind of troll she wont mind so much awkwardly waking up next to. Now, if this something taht arises farther into a relationship, then you get nothing and like it! Haha, just kidding, she is just not done calculating the pain to pleasure ratio yet on whatever your 12yr old mind has conjured up, you pervert.



This next one that is hard to overcome: "I'm married."
 Damn it! Total. waste. of. roofies. You know you saw the ring, and just cuz it looks like one that comes out of the vending machine, doesn't mean they really didn't use it in the wedding.
Honestly, avoid the 'taken;' they have a high risk of having a closet-case guido-wannabe spouse who jsut happened to be out at the same bar picking up chicks(or dudes). Why? cuz he didnt read my blog (maybe he can't read....::single tear::)



This next one I use to here alot: "but you have no money."
Eyah, this one is kind of a deal breaker. Way above your pay-grade, son! But hey at least you know, up-close, what to avoid in the future.

*This excuse is not to be confused with "But you have to pay, first."
which means you have either solicited a prostitute or the check has not cleared for your mail-order bride.



and finally, albeit for some a bit uncouth: Odor.
Ladies, ladies, ladies please. I did not take extra, graphic notes in Anatomy class to be outdone by a small detail of insecurity. If I maybe permitted to speak in metaphors, if a mouse truly catches a bit of cheese, it does not last. Nay, it is easily gone within hours. You'll be glad to know taht it is scientifically proven, any lingering impropriety can be dispelled with a round of self-arousal. (aheam) fellas: the holy grail. Here is a chance to be sensitive AND sexual.

and now something for the masses: