Two words: Sky Mall

This is either a practical joke gone wrong or the greatest idea since something awesome happened a long time ago. For anyone that has gotten bored enough in a plane long to actually read the safety pamphlet, you'll notice the magazine next to it that offers everything from 

 

Remote Controlled Tarantula 

to

Alien Gnome Bandits

They look like The Langoliers on meth

"let's go pawn this gnome, man, I'm hurtin' for a fix"

And, if ODC is your cup of tea, the try something from the Howard Hughes collection:

The Nano-UV Disinfection Scanner

you’ll never have to encounter living organic matter ever again!

Now, if I had to nominate something for the “Most Likely To Start A Marxist Revolution By Virtue Of Its Very Existence,” it is the Solafeet:

a $299.99 miniature tanning bed for your feet. As opposed to the sun which will tan your entire body for free. ::sniff, sniff:: Does anyone else smell yuppie burning?

How about the NoseAid

OK, Ok, we all know you’re a good parent, but admit it: all that blood coming out of your kid's nose jsut isn't your bag, man. Not only is it gnarly, but how are they gonna learn to be independent if you’re always helping him out? Not only will it wean your child off relying on “mommy” for help, but you’ll also teach him a valuable lesson: Most of life’s problems can be solved with a $25 clothespin. But NoseAid isn’t just for noses! I used it on my own arm to make sure I wasn't dreaming about this clearly awesome product (Read: you’re not)! Use it to hold a burned-down joint, or to pinch your narc friends if they threaten to tell the po-po that you’re using NoseAid to hold a burned-down joint! Hell, with NoseAid, using your fingers to pinch with is a thing of the past.

Speaking of using you hands: not anymore!  Wine Glass Holder Necklace (ugh)

Now we all know parties are fabulous, but always having to carry those ridiculous glasses  around everywhere? So offensive. Let the lower class hold things. Strap that beverage to your chest and maximize your hands' potential at any social function. This allows free handed masturbation as you drone on about your child's exclusive kindergarten, your trip to europe, or any self aggrandizing topic. Use a straw for extra class.

Alas, if this bombastic kitch is the begining of End-Stage Capitalism, I am glad I was able to have my readers the four of you get me something nice for next Christmas.

::AHEM::

Anyway, here's something for the masses:

Fuck, who needs 'cups' and 'tablespoons' when you can measure in T-Rex brains?!

This just in: James Cameron invents a new way to make you Emo.

Most people my social worker know i love to see movies, but I have not see Avatar yet, because i spent all my holiday money on hookers and blow helping the poor. So having not seen Avatar, nor experienced the world of  Pandora, I can fully let my readers (Read:you four) read the following and do the judging...before I do.

There's a forum now up for people deal with the depression they are experiencing because Pandora isn't real.

Original Poster: I recently read on the Avatar TypePad Blog, that people are becoming depressed because of the movie. People are realizing that the dream can't actually come true. I was trying to start a thread where people gave ideas on how to cope with it, as in reading Avatar stuff, Writing ( about avatar of course), painting, or whatever.
Person Coping:
After I watched Avatar at the first time, I trully felt depressed as I "wake" up in this world again.
So after few days, I went to cinema and watched it again for the second time to relieve the depression and hopeless feeling.
Now I listen to the soundtrack and share my views in this forum. It really helps.
Person Offering Advice:
Start living like Neytiri: in touch with nature, the environment, and not being greedy and wasteful. Pass on the burger, for something more healthy for you and less cruel to animals. Spend your time on this forum, or volunteering in your free time, instead of getting high or drinking, twiddling your thumbs, being apathetic and complaining about how bad the world is. Don't get swept away by the wave of negativity, live your dream. Your life has only two switches, to shine or not to shine. There is no "apathy" setting. If you're on apathy setting you might as well sign your world away to destruction. When you get discouraged by everyone around you, be courageous like Jake, and jump on the leonopteryx. Be the change you want to see in your world. There are only so many people on this earth, the more of them that are doing positive things, the less of them that are out there doing negative things. It's unfortunate that we live in a world where, just by pulling a trigger or making a corporate decision, one single greedy human being can wipe out the hard works of love of many people. But this is why we need to stop focusing on money and start focusing on our environment. Because we have the intelligence to kill ourselves, but not the wisdom to stop it. What will our money buy, when everything that is worth having is destroyed? The only way you can fill the emptiness you feel after this movie, is to jump on the leonopteryx.

 Of course Pandora's real, it jsut resides inside the head of James Cameron. So, bring me the head of James Cameron and I will solve all your problems!


So, for those that have not seen avatar,

here is something for the masses:

(My special thanks to the guy at comicremix.com who can read my mind)

I love the smell of pwnage in the morning...smell like victory.

I thought this was funny, but some of you might not "get it", and coming from me that is saying something. So here you go, if only to confuse you.

.

and of course something for teh masses:

I seemingly have nothing to say today.
Oh wait, nevermind.

Even though this is old news for me, to my followers you four guys I want to tell you about this twitter I found while casually browsing for porn the internet: twitter.com/Shitmydadsays

The title of the feed cannot be more the truth; this is literally shit this guy's dad says.

         The dad is old, curmudgeony, and Awesome. So awesome, in fact, that it has been picked up as a CBS sitcom. So, now other networks have begun clicking around the interwebz' various social sites for other grumpy old men that will kill the audience in a lolocaust of ratings gold. That's right, basement dwellers; put out down that 4chan and get to posting every witism that your disaffected grandparents say. Don't forget to write down the verbal gems about how Viagra somehow helps changing. "Changing what, grandpa?" "Depends!"
ha ha ow, my sides.

Here's something for the masses:

God, if you're there, could you please DAMN THIS for me?

Ok ok...ok. I know this is rantish. ok fine f- it, its a rant, but it is more of a public service rant.
::ahem::

My existence has no room to excuse people who would bring children to a rated R film. Hey, hey now, don't get me wrong; I'm all for corrupting the young (it improves there social surivival skills, that's a later post) but, Jesús Freerunning Christo, people!; I'm trying to watch a fucking movie. No, literally there's fucking in the movie. And, you brought your kids? Yay, whoo hoo, I'm a cool parent!-yeah no.

Even the movie couldn't be as disturbing, more importantly annoying, than seeing an entire family, 5 children under the age of 11, enter the theater to see something that the 11 yr old should not see until they are at least 13. The ratings are there to list off what is in the movie, not how many kids to bring in. Ok, fine, you want to shell out money so your little Vinnies and Debbies can enjoy Saw VI; then RENT IT. (Saw VI? really?) Too cheap to get a babysitter? Then maybe you should of spent some money on condoms or kept it in your pants that many years ago rather than give me another reason to hate people.

Speaking of, my inner social worker kicks in right about the time the wimpy kid or babies start crying. I walk down to them and stand in front of them. I figure if you're the reason I can't hear the movie, I'll be the reason you can't see the movie. And, then after that, I'm the one management tells to leave. Fine, but I'm getting free refills on the way out.


Here's something for the masses:

Where the fuck have I been....busy trying my ass off.

        Kids scream in the background like a couple of politicians over health care; like sands through the hourglass, so are my kids running down the hall; can't get anything done. Gah!
Only have myself to blame for having kids cuz if I didnt have them,  the Dugers would have. And, they have enough on their plate social stunting their own brood.


Still don't know how this blog will turn out. On the one hand, I have the audacity to think people want to hear me out. Then on the other hand, I know Im better than half the drivel out there. OK, maybe less than half.

Until i make up my mind, I'm just gonna post the shit I find, the shit that is relevant, and shit that is only wrong if you laugh at it.

Ill start with a duo team of game bloggers: http://lucysdiamondsky.blogspot.com/
Hilarious and Honest, it makes you want to enjoy the game not just play them.


Speaking of games, here is one you have to play. And, if you dont want to, it probably means you are in it.

 

I was gonna put "Woman in floral MooMoo" and "Man in tight fatigues" but I ran out of room.

Coming Soon, a Target version; we're I your mom am the free space!